Dealing with New Treatment Decisions can be overwhelming. There are so many factors to consider:
What is the status of my current cancer?
What are the characteristics of this chemotherapy in terms of how it interacts with my cancer?
How toxic is this chemotherapy?
What are the worst possible side effects?
How would I care for these side effects: do I need a prescription, what do I need to do? Do I need a Palliative Care doctor to assist me?
What effect will this treatment have on my body?
How will this affect my quality of life?
How long will I have to take this chemotherapy?
For me as a Holistic psychotherapist, I am concerned with how this new treatment will affect my body, mind, emotions and spirit:
Will this treatment threaten all the hard work I have done with maintaining my healthy gut microbiome through Anti-cancer diet, juicing, smoothies, good digestion and elimination, daily 1-2 hour exercise?
Will this new treatment make me nauseous, have diarrhea, loss of appetite, cause Hand/Foot syndrome, etc?
Will this new treatment cause damage to my currently healthy organs?
The list of “wonderings” goes on and on and on……………This in turn causes fear, anxiety, immobility, indecisiveness which can turn into dark storms in the the body, mind, and emotions. It can be exhausting and debilitating.
When these “wonderings” become unbearable, this is when I depend on my Spirit. I turn to God, I write in my journal, I pray, I cry………until I finally “Let Go and Let God.” I acknowledge that I need help. I ask for Divine Help and Intervention to “show me the way; give me a sign.”
This video shows the day I finally surrendered. I opened my front door, walked 20 blocks to the beach, sat on a bench, shut my eyes, turned off my mind and my emotions and simply listened to the beach sounds; felt the wind and sun on my skin, breathed in and out slowly, felt the weight of my body surrender to the bench, my bare feet touching the cement and sand. I dissolved into nothingness, surrendering my burdens, letting go, taking a pause.
When I finally started walking home, I felt much lighter, and more energy had returned to my body. I ate well, slept soundly.
The Spirit told me, “It’s okay not to know what is going to happen. The right decision will be revealed to you. Don’t rush. Stay in the moment. Wait. Be still. Keep your eyes and ears open for signs.”
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