This video includes a Journal Entry I wrote just before my most recent MRIs on 5-9-2024 and the video I shot right afterwards:

Dearest Lord Jesus,

We are here waiting, as we were almost 4 years ago. I know something is incredibly wrong:
– I can’t digest food
• My skin is starting to sag – like it did with my first Pancreas cancer diagnosis
• I have malabsorption
• I am not able to eat more than pureed baby food or liquids
• I know I am losing weight and body mass
I DO want to know what is going on. Which organ is involved?
Pancreas, liver, colon?

I don’t know which treatment we will choose? Surgery, ablation,

I don’t know the answer to these questions. Only You, my blessed Trinity, know the BIG picture.

As I wait for the MRI, I ask You to go with me, into the capsule, into the breathing and holding my breath, into having the IV catheter inserted for the contrast, into the 2-hour journey yet again. Help me to be calm. Help me focus on You – not the unknown.

The Inner Children and I are disappointed the cancer is not over, that we can’t eat, that we can’t be carefree or joyful or playful or laughing or dancing.

This journey is all too familiar. I thought it was over, that we beat the cancer, that we could hold it at bay with all our Holistic anti-cancer tools and optimism, by the sheer might of our determination and hard work for almost 4 years.

You know I am a fighter- but what am I fighting with this time?

I just have to live in the moment and acknowledge I don’t know.

I am comforted by Your constant Presence within me – leading me forward one day at a time, moment by moment. I rest in this moment, knowing there is nothing more I can do.

I am hungry, my tummy is empty and screaming for some of the familiar foods I love.

At least I can eat some avocado/banana purée and yam purée when I get home.

(Post note: My CT scans and MRIs in March and May came back clear – no tumors.)