What is the significance of a 30-year Wedding Anniversary?
For me it is ENORMOUS, in so many ways:
Given the circumstances in my family of origin, I couldn’t have been more ill-prepared for marriage. I was not brought up with emotional intimacy, had no intimate knowledge of my Self – mentally or spiritually, and had a storehouse full of repressed emotions and distorted concepts about trust and marriage. The only thing I really knew was that I was a top student and athlete, and wanted a career helping people.
It is no surprise that after I married at age 21, had 2 children, and was divorced by age 27, I would spend the next decades of my life trying to figure out “Who I Was” – both inside and out. I was a poor, single mother raising 2 young children, putting myself through graduate school, and praying I would someday find the “right partner” and my own authentic Self.
It was a lonely, painful period in my life. And it lasted a very long time. At the same time, however, I reached out to God to come into my life, in a personal, intimate way. The year was 1976. I told Him I could no longer endure my life of uncertainty, confusion, feeling overwhelmed, and hounded by an inner anger. I wanted to be healed, I wanted to be transformed, and I wanted to learn how to love myself and my future husband. I wanted to learn healthy coping skills, I wanted to learn how to communicate from my heart, I wanted to be able to be vulnerable, but with proper boundaries to protect myself.
Thus began my journey of spiritual and emotional transformation – which continues to this day. I literally became a “new person”, or the person God had designed me to be. He showed me that all the qualities I needed were inside me, but we had to clean out the distortions, wounds, and unhealthy coping mechanisms.
After years of dedicated work on my Self, God finally introduced me to the man who would fulfill the desire of my heart – to be happily married to a man who loved, cherished, respected me, and who would help me grow into my highest potential.
The date was June 21, 1992. We married on September 3, 1993.
My book, “Creating A Healthy Life and Marriage; A Holistic Approach: Body, Mind, Emotions and Spirit,” was written during the first 15 years of our marriage. We both had a lot to learn about emotional intimacy, trust, healthy boundaries, communication, love, compromise. We were very different in some ways, but very similar in terms of our sweet hearts, our personal values, and our desire to remain happily married for the rest of our lives. And we asked God to help us and to lead the way. This experience became the template for my Holistic work with clients, on the journey of finding the Authentic Self and preparing the foundation for a healthy life and marriage.
We have been blessed during the 30 years, and we have been sorely tested in terms of losing parents and other family members, work layoffs, financial challenges, problems in family relationships, times when we have disappointed each other or not understood the other person’s point of view. We have had to learn how to disagree respectfully and give and receive forgiveness.
We are both cancer thrivers: He had Prostate cancer in 2011 and I had Pancreas cancer in 2020. We were able to heavily lean into the support from each other. We stood firm on the darkest of days and shared the cancer journey on the most intimate level. Those experiences bonded us closer, taught us to celebrate each day, and showed us we could trust each other on the deepest possible level.
Our 30th Wedding Anniversary is a true Celebration of Love and Transformation. It is a Miracle on one hand, but a true Possibility for anyone willing to ask for God’s assistance and committed to doing the hard work required.
We send Love, Encouragement, and Prayers to all people around the world.
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