My heart is sprinting forward to God, my mind, emotions and spirit are as strong as usual, but my body is fading:
For the last five-years and 1/2 I have shared each step of my Pancreatic cancer journey – from first day of my distal pancreatectomy of my adenocarcinoma in the tail of my pancreas on October 23, 2020, to eight rounds of IV Gemsar January – June 2021, to one year with Pulmonary embol in the lower portion of both lungs, to 2.5 years cancer free, to metastatic spread in the left upper segment in my liver treated by an Ablation 11 months later, to another Mets adjacent to the first and a Mets in my abdominal wall.
2 months later treated by a second ablation and a cryoblation, a new regime of double chemotherapy – Xeloda (5 pills taken at home on a 21-day cycle (5-FU) – and there is a reason for that name – and Oxaliplatin, administered through a port every 21 days. This chemo, taken over 8 months wreaked havoc on my body, mind, emotions and spirit – With horrible side effects that lasted 5: then 10, then 21 days each cycle.
They were horrible and intolerable.
I lost my SELF.
I packed my 4-month old puppy in my car; drove 1,000 miles to my home in Santa Fe, New Mexico, quit all chemo, and tried to find my SELF for 2 months. The first month was great, the second month I developed very uncomfortable cancer in my umbilicus (belly button), realized I could no longer manage my property there, put it up for sale, and returned to Santa Monica.
I transferred my medical care to City of Hope Lenard Cancer Foundation in Irvine, California – They ran scans and multiple small tumors on the left side of my brain. THE RADIATION TEAM, directed by the brilliant ONCOLOGY RADIOLOGIST – Dr. Percy Lee – administered 10 rounds of radiation to my umbilicus and 5 rounds to my brain.
Then I received 4 rounds of Gemsar chemotherapy at 1/2 dose every 14 days.
That therapy did not work – I developed jaundice from blocked bile ducts in my pancreas and liver, could not absorb nutrients, and had non-stop diarrhea.
My quality of life went from 50% to 30%. It is now towards 20%.
I want to die naturally at home in my bedroom or in my Japanese Minka surrounded by my trusted family and friends, while I am still at 205 of my SELF. I do not want to die in a hospital or in an outside Hospice facility.
In 2024 I was at the bedside of my nephew who had melanoma and two best friends who had pancreas Cancer. I do not want to die the way they did.
In this journey I found out that residents in California and 11 other states can use Medically Assisted Dying with Dignity (MAID). I would use that if my quality of life dipped below 20%.
God has given me a steady stream of family and friends who have driven and flown to my home. Both sets of my children and grandchildren are providing care, comfort, and love 7 days a week.
Strange to say this is one of the best times in my 82 years of life. I am totally happy, peaceful, joyful.
I have no fear and know I will immediately be transported to God – whom I love with every cell in my body, mind, emotions and spirit.
I have taught my children and grandchildren to be self-sufficient, and I will be looking down upon them as they carry on their lives and my Legacy. I will be able to watch them grow and one day I will be their Spirit Guide to Heaven.
My website – www.HolisticCancerRecoveryHub.com – will be up and running indefinitely.
I will be cremated and interred at Woodlawn Cemetery in Santa Monica, California.
I send you infinite Love, Support, and Hope-
Judith Anne